We are in the process of Ascension - join in the ride!

The Ascension process of Ängsbacka 2011
by the White Rose


I believe we are all part of the Ascension process. Wether we are consciouss of it or not, our soul has chosen to be part of this process, of acceleration of our spiritual energies and purifying our beings for God. Regardless of our varying backgrounds and religions, we still acknowledge the role of the Higher Reality in guidance in our lives. All of us have a role to play in the upcoming events and thats why for me Ängsbacka represents the world in a miniature form. We are the Children of Israel, the family of Light of all the Nations. And we are ONE.

But to become consciouss of this is another step we have to take in order for the process to happen on an even deeper level. We are here to clear our past karma, through service in work and prayer, music and song. We are the Light of the world if we decide to go on that Path, which all the religions and teachers throughout the ages have spoken of. But the path requires work, hard work every day to balance that karma and to minister to life. Ministry is an office given to a person with a sincere heart and the will to serve his fellow people, regardless of their outer qualities, cast and creed. It also means to embrace life in its fullness, through expansion of the being into the Divine realm by daily prayer and communion with the Source of all Light and Love.

It does not exclude the physical level either. We have to incorporate the whole spectrum of our BODY-MIND -SPIRIT in the process of awakening. This is what Ängsbacka is all about, actually to offer tools for all these levels and then to synthesize it into a Living Divinity!

I believe we have gone a long way on that path many of us, but what we need to remember is, that therapy was never intended to be the ultimate end of things. So yes, we can use these tools, the so called techniques for attaining connection with the Source. But when we have found it, why carry the boat on our shoulders any more?

What I do is I encourage people to go deeper into their religions and spiritual paths, as they ultimately all lead to the light. Well if one seeks wholeheartedly and sincerely, that is. But using these methods in a partial way, such as tantra with just the sexual aspect of it, and forgetting the whole other spiritual framework, that it is a part, I believe we can also get lost. The problem of the west is that we adopt these techniques and practises in a superficial and unresponsible way, to meet our materialist and sensualist ego-centred ideas of spirituality. The same can be said about the so-called hallusinogens or Healing Plants used in shamanism. We take them for pleasure and curiosity, and thus play with fire, that we end up not knowing how to control.

But the process has to happen on all levels. If our lives and homes are full of things we dont need, there is no space for Christ to come and visit us. So we have to let go of the past and clean and clear the way for the Lord! And I believe Christ is prepairing to visit us in Ängsbacka!

So here are some of the most interesting features of this process in Ängsbacka this summer. It all started with the clearing the downstairs of the barn, with stuffed insulation glass and lot of dirt together with really heavy energy under the staircase. I was also ill with asthma, but I felt I still just had to do it. I worked there the whole day, and later Ayax helped me to do the other cleaning, as I was dead tired and sick from all the dust in my lungs.

As I was cleaning the outside yard of the yellow house the next day, a symbol for transformation was found. It was real snakeskin, which I dropped screaming, as I had just first thought that it was a piece of paper. Everyone laughed and we were looking at it with the children.

The first time I entered the underworld, meaning the cellar of the yellow house, I met Awesome, the soundmaster technician, and we had a nice talk about God and religion and spirituality. He said almost all of his friends were atheists, and that for him it was hard to believe in anything more. But that he was open and curious. All that happened while I mopped the floors of the cellar which had become really sticky dirty for not being washed with water for a long time. Then Awsome came up with the explosive idea of a real solution to some of the carpets. That lead us to clean with power pressured water the dirty carpets of the cellar and the main entrance of the yellow house. Later I attacked the stairs of the cellar with the same ammunition. I was soaked in dirt, but I loved every bit of it!!!!

People came to thank me for the new look of the underworld. We also took out all the dirt under the steelrails in the entrances. Mala was the one helping me with that and it was a lot of dirty stuff there... So things were moving forward.

The next day I cleaned the Chapel. I found out, that under the Buddhist rug there was a cross, that had been hidden by the rug. So one religious symbol hiding another...That night I was asked to go to pray in the Chapel, and I prayed for freeing and passing on of the earth bound spirits of dead people still being there. I also wittnessed an open portal to the lower realms there, like to hell, it was strange, as it was suppose to be a house of God... But things got cleared even there in the end and finally Peace of God entered the Chapel. Prayers continue on a daily basis in the Chapel.


Tantra, Love and touch

I introduced myself upon arrival to Marttha as having a new direction and vision for Ängsbacka. The capstone of the pyramid has to be activated in Ängsbacka by the Holy Spirit. Someone has to carry it. I also told her about my vision for the Academy of the Golden Age.

In the first evening meeting there is a tantric program. It was called the Wellcome meeting for all the new volunteers. I cannot participate in it due to my religious convictions, and leave the event.

The next morning in the morning meeting the same kind of love and touch program goes on. Several people walk out the room. Not everyone feels confortable touching so many people and having full body contact with them. Actually you excahange a lot of energies with people in that way, and instead of being connected to your self you become energetically connected with all the people you touch. I go to Martha after the meeting and tell her, that these excercises are not for all and that people should be given a choice of wether they want to participate in such activities.
I feel really judged by some of the tantric minded people, as I also wear the scarve.

Later I go through confrontations with Martte, who first says I can do workshops and later denies me that possibility. So I am going through a very confusing situation, and feel frustrated by the organization. I express this to Marttha, who feels defensive and talks about people having to book their programs weeks in advance.

Martthe asks me to have a meeting with her later, during which I got the chance to explain myself and my vision of Ängsbacka. I wrote a document on my vision, but Martthe doesnt want to read it. She asks me just to explain it. So I try my best.

I say, that Ängsbacka needs a clear vision, of what we want to do here. Are we a business-oriented center just running workshops of any kind, as long as we make money, or should we be more clear of what happens here in the name of spirituality. I criticise the free sex culture and say, that if people are even doing Dynamic naked and think that the amount of spiritual awareness correlated withthe amount of clothes you dare to take off, is not the type of vision I was looking for.

We have to establish the connection with the Divine first, and then go to the people, not the other way round. I am here to clear my charkras and balance myself to become free in a true way and not just in a tantric sex way, as I am now also a married woman and not looking for a relationship.

I had another talk with Martte in the cafe. Mala was sitting near us, but I was so concentrated in talking to Marttha, that I didnt see her. Marttha starts to melt. We discuss anger in a positive sence. Constructive anger, and honoring ones own personal boundaries. I talk to her about the importance to clear the root chakra for the right use of the spiritual energies of God. She also admits, that there have been some things she has felt the need to discuss with Nova, but that she had not acted upon her intuition.

The next day Enso arrived, as he represents the Healer, whose Mother and Sister is Miriam, and who works with Christ. In many ways I see him as the Christ. He goes around meeting people in silence and divine presence. He has the healing power to accept everything and through that loving embracing of all there is in the now he does his transformative work and people cry or just let go of their defences and feel and become connected to their inner state more clearly. So the healing process is being activated.

Enso holds his first dance workshop. I dance contact impro with someone, which leads to a state of complete connectedness to my body and I feel nearly unable to walk because of the abundant energetic flow in my body and auric field.

The next morning I get Pyret and Marttha admitting me a possibility to recite a poem in the morning meeting. Let me touch your heart by Claudia Patricia Sanches. It describes the difference between Divine Love as opposed to personal love. It was written by a very special teacher of Light from Mexico, with an incredible connection to the Holy Spirit and the Divine Mother. We had people singing Om in the backround. People came to thank me after that saying many were crying even and felt really touched.


Divine will as opposed to personal will

On the same day during the silent sitting I get the urge to walk to the middle of the room and some energetic connection is being anchored through me there.

Later I wittness Divine Beings in the room, which I see suddenly as an initiation hall inside a pyramid. The hosts of Light have gathered there to welcome us and guide our process in the opening ourselves to the Light. An aura of deep sacredness pervails the room. Petter starts to talk about the gratitude he feels to the Indian masters and their spiritual traditions. I feel the need to point out, that all the religions and cultures are a part of the same whole, same God, Unity or Oneness.

After the session Petter comes to me angry and tells me not to speak in his gathering. It was his workshop and his space. I said that was it his workshop or Gods, and if God didnt fit in what did that mean? I wanted to remind the people, that it was not just the spiritual traditions of the East, that we needed to honour, but all the siritual and religious traditions of the world, including their founders. Which is all One, in the end. We tend to admire India, but at the same time forget our own roots and traditions in the so called New-Age spirituality. So we need to look deeper...

I also pointed out, that I hadnt received much support for holding my workshops from the staff, and asked if Petter himself could help me, so I wouldnt need to talk in his events. But he was not cooperative. We so often have our ideas of how we want things to be, we have our ego-based agenda, and if God has another agenda we resist it. Personal will as opposed to the will of God.

At that point I had been contemplating, wether I should go to Ireland or not. I had booked a trip there 2 weeks earlier, and the time was approaching to make a decision to leave or not. After the silent sitting I had a strong intuition, that I should stay. I went to the computer in Malas newly cleaned office to check my email. The woman, who was supposed to host me in Ireland emails me, that she had a sudden invitation to a wedding in Germany and that she cannot accomodate me. That I call synchronicity.

Next morning we have silent sitting in the Chapel. I get the impulse to sing, and I start to sing softly Om. Some people leave the Chapel, and we continue with singing.
Enso receives healing and blessing.

I study material of Summit Lighthouse and receive answers to the processes here.
It feels as if I was guided to read that particular chapter just that day, so things feel really guided and magical.


The new Spiritual Board

The next day I start cleaning Mala´s office after persuasion process, that had been going on since the day before. Finally she agreed to let me do it. It was when Mala was herself really tired and looked like she needed more rest, that anything else. I told her, that this office, from where the whole house is run from didn´t quite represent the state of the art of our upcoming Magical Summer season.... The Paradise on Earth, as the brochure read...

The cleaning process took 2 full days. It started by me washing all of Malas clothes lying around the place. As I hanged them, I realized they were all black as all of mine were white. By the time we finished, I had had an idea to set up an altar representing the new spiritual board of Ängsbacka. That day, when I was just bringing my altar stuff in to the office, I caught Pyret on the way to the office, I ran after her telling her, that I had an idea of the new spiritual leader of Ängsbacka. When I finally reached her, her trying to run away from me, as usual, I showed her the picture of Christ. Her reaction was astounding: I don´t know that man.

Another peculiar figure in the new board was found during the cleaning process actually hiding behind the computer. It was the Gnome. Being also called the Trickster, his nature is expressed through storytelling, creative chaos and helping people to let go of old habits. So a creative figure like the Gnome we all wanted to join him in the new board, as hiding behind the computer wasnt really feeling the right thing for him to do anymore. He wanted to come out in the open and negotiate his ideas in a more honest and straighforward way together with the rest of the Board.

So the new spiritual board was elected that day, and the final members were chosen as follows: Jesus Christ, as the representative of the Divine Father, Amma, as the Divine Mother and the Gnome, as the creative driving force of chaotic Ängsbacka-type of processing, which has that touch of genuine MAGIC in it combined with chaos and incredible transformation happening here. Aside from these prestigious figures, there were two glass Buddha heads, of which the other was made a representation of Mala with her Peru-Inca hat and lapis neclace, and another Buddha received his Kitchen staff hat, symbolizing their enlightenment. Flowers and candles were also offered to our new Board members, and some beautiful other things. Osho was also part of the board at one point, but then he was too busy and had to leave in the form of a book, which found an interested reader.

During the next days, I introduced several people from Ängsbacka to the new Board. Most were really happy and impressed, but another surprising reaction came from an alarmed friend, after seeing the Gnome on the Board. Are you actually worhipping the Gnome? Obviously she wasnt too much aware of things, but that too is ok.

There was however also another figure, which was placed just outside the office, representing well – the Housekeeper herself. It is a small lego-figure, with a deceptively sweet looking pink upper-part, as a dress, but a mans bearded face and touch guys black jeans with some chains hanging from the pocket. This figure, however was decided to be this time on a wellcoming mood for the new people arriving that afternoon for the volunteer-camp, holding her hands up as a gesture of a warm greeting.

The next day the new volunteer camp started and the people arrived to the newly cleaned school. During the cleaning process, I saw how that school could be transformed into the learning base of the Institute of Light. I could see myself running my project of the Holistic Academy there with longer term educational perods during the winter also. I had ideas of programs, that I could invite there, such as the Healing Sound therapy training, The Holistic Science, and work with Colour and vibrations. Also prayer would be a part of the work, systematic work to connect with the Divine in a consciouss way. Honoring and learning something about all the different traditions of the worlds spiritual traditions and religions, unity in diversity.

I actually have a lot of contacts to different lecturers and Golden Age networks, that we could act in cooperation with. We could become a cell in the new body of the centers of the Golden Age of the world. But we have to establish our own ideology through which we function, which I have articulated in the Founding principles of the Academy of the Golden Age.


Sharing groups – the Search for my personal group

The sharing groups were not really falling into place at first for me. I attended one sharing, where someone said Ängsbacka is Hell. The energetics were confused to say the very least. The other time a door was closed in front of my nose. So many times I just ended up doing my sharing with Jesus and God in the Chapel, which was rewarding, as usual.

During the prayer session, I experienced loneliness but also divine love, and light, in a very concrete ways. One of my most special experiences happenend, when in the end of a long prayer session, I suddenly become aware, that I was inside a spiral of Light and that the darkness, which was hanging around the whole planet, was not effecting me in that Light. I felt complete freedom and truth in that experience of my connection being more powerfull, than the collective energies, people get caught up in usually. I was really praying for the clearing of the energies of Ängsbacka and the healing of the Heart of Ängsbacka collectively.

One evening I also had an amazing experience of visiting a city of Light on another dimension. I met a man there, who said he had been my spiritual teacher before, and he told me, that religions are like old structures, but that the living Light could be felt and openend in anyone anywhere, as long as that person was pure in heart and did pray in his her own way. That the Light of God was in everything and everywhere, and that God was here and now happening to all who had this contact. That experience cut down a lot of the shame and condemnation Islam is so famous for.

Finally I found my real family in the Healing Circles sharing group. I was guided to join them by my inner voice. That afternoon Nicole had an epileptic attack during our sharing. We go through shock and call the ambulance. Enso also tries to heal her and ends up taking some of the energy into his system. I am guided to go and heal him through my voice and prayer and talk with him. Our connection deepens and we share things in relation to our common work for God. So God help us!

Some days after that we celebrated the lost and found day of Ängsbacka. We were going through the Lost and Found, and people were taking the things they wanted, and the rest was brought to the laundryroom. It dawned on me, that those clothes somehow represented the conscioussness of such a variety of backrounds and levels of conscioussness. I thought, that those clothes were also a sort of expression of the confusion of people, when they arrive here. They are looking for something, but they dont know what it actually is they should find and how. So they go around workshops here and there and have experiences, which they later on reflect on and the do the sharing and so on... But are they really Found in the end?


Skeleton transforms into Light – Ängsbacka being Lost and Found

That was the day, during which to my astonishment I spotted a real looking skeleton in the front of the Annex on the lawn. So I came up with the idea of dressing this doomy figure into Ängsbacka conscioussness with the Lost and Found clothes. Actually we did some really funny photos and a video of him leaving to Stokholm as well. There were rumors going around about him being fed up of living in the closet, and wanting to transform his existence into more interesting and inspiring areas, such as Tantra and rock and roll. His outfit also described his ideology: a t-shirt saying Filthy and Furious with a rock- musician holding an electric guitar in his hand, an odd pair of broken boots and well – no pants!

But he was happy to start his new life and we bid him farewell, and sighed in relief – finally the past energies of Ängsbacka were leaving in a concrete way. That evening I wanted to burn my old clothes as well, and joined the drama workshop. I told them I was Lost and was wondering if they could help me to be Found again. But they were just doing theatre-excercises, so I went on to Martthas fire-ceremony just to wittness the burning of the holy package made in the Native American ceremony the day before. The evening ended up in all of us singing Amazing Grace as the Techno party base was playing loudly in the backround, but we didnt care.... I once was lost, but now am Found....

On that event I also burned my Lost and found outfit and came back to the Light... but as usual, the show must go on, and some clothes were still hanging around and people were still refusing to let go of the old and saying, wait, dont burn them just yet.

Divine Sound and the motor

Martha asked me to have a workshop on wednesday, and I agree to stay, after a few it is too late, I have to leave – mutterings. So I surrender and stay, and days pass. Then my kurdish husbands emails start to show alarming signs and I decide to go to check things up in Finland regardless of everything.

I keep my workshop ”Divine Sound” and receive encouraging feedback. In the morning meeting Hari had mentioned, that the energetics of the process in Ängsbacka were like a huge motor, which would start and then slowly increase to the full power by the time of the evening. When we started my workshop there was a huge tractor motor being started outside the Chapel, and I had to go and close the door. I mentioned the symbolism to the people.


Painfull but successfull birthing process of the Christ conscioussness

Transformation processes always have the element of letting go of the past and accepting the moment of temporary chaos in our lives. Upon my departure, we celebrated the Birthday party of Ängsbacka. It was as if through the holy spirit work of that workshop the whole site had become blessed and transformed on the energetic level. People came to me saying, that they could feel the difference. I gave the children birthday hats and whistles and everyone was enjoying the party. The wes also a special moment of silent communion with Edgar in grace, as if time stood still.

As I prepared to leave, not knowing wether I would come back, I noticed, that there were a lot of girls which had the name of Maria or some version of that name. So I said, well, even if I am not here, Mother Mary will be here in the form of all the Marias here. I also gave Marrthe a bottle of Myrrh and told her to take good care of the babyborn Christ in the Chapel. She smiled sweetly and agreed. I also gave her a little book of Amma. I also left some books in the Chapel for people to read.

I had some hard time leaving, but in the end I just took a taxi, that had driven to the yard, and left with an Iranian driver. Symbolic of my way back home to the muslims. It was like cutting the imbilical cord to the energies of my spiritual family and friends in and of the Light.


Trip to Finland, marriage and the muslim culture

I want always to do things in a natural and organic way, and went back home. We had a beautifull meeting with him, but the next evening was my flight to Ireland.
I slept one night at home and got rid of some things that were still hanging around in my closets, as karmic work to be done away with, and went to visit my muslim friends. I still wanted to check if it was meant to be that I would go to Ireland.

They adviced me to go. I went back home and started to pack. It was midsummer day and the buses didnt go so often, so I ended up missing my flight! I was actually relieved by that, because in my being I felt it wasnt the right thing to do. So I realized, God didnt want me to go! Next thing I did was to take the first train towards Turku to catch the ferry the next morning. So my trip to Finland turned out to be a very short one.

My husband, being from a muslim backround, ofcourse wasnt impressed of the change of plans. But that was too late. I was already on my way to transformation and freedom... He is especially jealous and holds the opinion, among others, that a woman shouldnt talk to males if she is a good Muslim. But as I am from a totally different backround and a social open type, that is really too much to ask I feel. But still I can understand him. But I dont have to act accordingly.

Actually the reason why I came to Ängsbacka in the first place had to do with the fact, that my husband was being violent in the relationship. As an uneducated person, it seemed it was his only defence agains a free woman like myself, who was passing every imaginable limit and not fitting into any category of his past ideas, and still loved him in the middle of it, was driving him completely mad. All he could do was to scream and shout bad names at me in the end.

I also had been living in Iraq for 3 monts prior to coming to Ängsbacka with our 9 month old twins, and really living according to the muslim culture there. What was strange thoe, that I read the Quran while visiting Iraq during one week, while the local people couldnt read nor understand their own religious book, I became a somewhat strange figure in their eyes. I was really praying 5 times a day with them. I was teaching them about the Quran. And I was touching some sensitive spots, which became the cause for controversy later on.

So I had originally escaped my flat because of this physical and emotional violence, and my friends seemed to all be occupied, and was looking for a place to stay. Finally I found a friend, and spent a few nights at her place, before deciding to come to Ängsbacka. Pyret welcomed me telling me about her own kurdish ex-boyfriend...

The next evening I arrived in Ängsbacka and opened my email. There was an email from the muslim man, who had bought the ticket for me saying URGENT DON´T GO TO IRELAND. The family who were supposed to accomodate me would not return from Germany until 1 month!


The work at the laundry

It was beautifull to come back to Ängsbacka, as everyone was wellcoming me so warmly. They were asking where did I dissapear and some had been worried etc. But
I told them I had to finish my work in Finland in order to come and stay longer, so they calmed down. The next day I started my new work in the laundry. It was a symbolic move, as I felt I was given the honorable work of washing the karma of Ängsbacka on all levels!!! I have always loved cleanliness and so this job was the one for me! But as I was working there alone for several days, it was quite hard, but as the festival started, I received also a helper.

I set up my altars in the laundry of the Divine Mother and other helpers, and told people, that the Divine Mother has now enetered the underworld, or the subconsciouss of Ängsbacka. As I did my prayers, I saw a lot of stagnated energy in the yellow house, so we have still work to do...

I asked Pyret if we could have womens sauna. The answer was no, in Ängsbacka we dont have womens and mens sauna separate. Later Nova told me, that it was possible to arrange it. Then the day finally arrived, when it was the official womens sauna. I went to the sauna, there were 2 naked men inside. So I took a shower.

That morning the enrgy in the morning meeting completely exploded. I had been dancing there many times before too, but this time it was really strong. I was just taken in bliss and ecstasy, dancing in the middle of the circle, and spiraling the energy from above to all. It was so beautifull experience of complete loosing of oneself in Divine Love. I have felt, that it has been my role to anchor some of these energies here in a more consciouss way. Singing to the Divine Mother is an initiation to the creative aspect of ourselves in a loving and creative female way of giving birth to our new Divine way of being. That same day, Shiva and Shakti visited our camp in their Divine Beauty. I wanted to get a photo of myself with them, but all I could get was a large-perspective-objective joke-picture done by Jo´s British English Cam! Hei Mate, how about getting your vision right? And maybe keeping your robe just a bit tighter?

I met some people, who started to share their experiences of the Angels appearing to them and showing visions of a group in need to come together for helping the process of awakening. We have here people, who are guided to come here for a purpose of holding and balancing the energies of this process for all of us. One of these souls is The White Swan. We have shared some amazing moments with her and have started to work more and more together. There is another woman whose spiritual symbol is the White Butterfly. She is a singer and a musician. She does her healing through music and song. Another woman received a blessing and a prayer from me in the Chapel. She told me, that when she left and took a walk at the beach the whole beach was covered with white feathers, as the sign of the angels blessing and presence.

We had a gnome and fairy day as well. In the morning meeting we were playing fairies and gnomes and in the day I was using my magic wand, and in the evening workshop My was telling us, that her technique was like the magic of a fairy. I later named her the Fairy Queen.

The next day was the apple day of sexual energy. I was tempted. But I kept seeing APPLES everywhere. Especially at the lunch table with the weird Gnomes of Australia! First the man took the apple from the flowerpot. But they quickly dismissed the plastic apple, saying, this surely must have huge connotations, right? To which I commented, that actually I see signs every day, and that they are real. In the evening I went to dance with a spontaneous tribal type of improvised music and what did they offer me to play? An apple-shaker! I got the point and went to bed early.

The next day was hectic, as everyone was hurrying to get things ready for the Opening of the festival. I was guided to go to the sewing room, and White Swan asked me to help her with the sewing of some curtains. The gnome woman was our guide. She adviced my friend on how to cut the thread. I saw that as a symbolic of the black magic cutting the contact to the Divine by shortcuts. I brought Ammas altar into the room, and we did finish our project in time. I was at the same time praying and teaching White Swan about spiritual stuff and sewing, and we had a great time. But there was only one thing I was concerned of. Why were the curtains not white, but brown? Were we not pure yet?

THE nO mINd

The wellcoming party of the feastival was beautifull, but the most touching experience of all I feel is the love tunnel and the singing. We sang wellcoming song for all the new arriving people, and I was giving rose oil for everyone. It was like a blessing. I felt so gratefull. I was in tears most of the time. When we came inside the heart tent I saw the heavenly hierarchies present in our meeting. It was an astounding sight, like spheres of angels spiraling upwards to the light of God in another dimension, which I was blessed to be able to see. And we were in the middle of them, blessed by their presence.

Today I feel I have become free of my attachment. I can love but I am free. I am also in peace with my family and husband. He has a dream the other night, that an angel came to him saying, that I was doing important work in Ängsbacka and that God would give him a big gift, if he did his work for our twins and worked to earn some money. He said his heart was relieved and that now his mind was in peace.

In the morning I went to the Chapel to do my prayers. There was the communion service going on. We talked about he true meaning of communion. I said it is like the connection we can have to the Holy Spirit of God. The wine and the bread are just symbols for that energy, the "living water" of the Holy Spirit. We can enjoy communiun actually every moment of our lives if we can drink of the fountain of Light of God in Divine Conscioussness. But we have cut ourselves off of that connection by not acting according to the will of God, creating karma and misusing our spiritual energies and misqualifying the Mother Light. So we need to be redeemed.

Today Petra had annouced in the morning gathering, that she wasnts to gather material of peoples experiences of Ängsbacka. Not knowing this, I had had the intuition to publish my blog today and write. So synchronicity at work again, or was there an inch of Fairy Queens Magic also involved? She was the one to tell me about the book-project...

The Immaculate conception of the Virgin Mary describes the birth of that Christ in Man, The Manchild, in ourselves. It is the outpouring of the Holy Spirit to the world through the consecrated Heart of a person washed clean by God. So we need to wash our robes white again and stop fooling around with our lives. To become conscious of our uses of energy anf intention. Is it based on fear or love? Thats a good starting point I believe.

Today I was talking with the Gnome in Malas office. He said, Are you then Percephone, who came to the underworld of Hades? I said well, maybe, and he told me that for every piece of the granat apple she ate she had to stay in Hades for another month. So Im trying not to eat of that tree any more!!!

Today I have gone around telling people about the new blog. Everyone has been thrilled. I have been given a straw to drink Divine Nectar of Love by the Kids. Then someone taught me to say I love you in Japanese. I was relaxing in Satsang workshop with a royal couple, and was getting insights about letting things be.

In the morning I prepare to untangle the aprons again, untangling the aprons of Gods servants here from each other and the planetary karma we have effectively got ourselves entangled with. But when I start to do it, I realize it already had been done in a way, that it wasnt so difficult after all to get them free from each other. So we have HOPE!

I have also started to realize, that my work wasnt for all, but just for some people, who were ready for it. I have started to surrender more and more and have felt the need to detach myself from the energies of the festival as well. I just do my work and then I feel I want to enjoy the silence of the lake, the breathtaking beauty of the roses and other flowers releasing their fragrance into the sweet summer air. I fell in tears by being led to a blossoming white flowerbush, a big tree actually, in full white bloom. I felt that was Gods way of showing his love for me and seeing where I was. I was that flower in full bloom. I fell down crying having that beauty enter my soul and filling my being with its glory.

Before that I found a rose bush at a deserted looking house, where I was guided to do some prayers. There it was, the most beautifull rose bush, of blushing pink shades and perfect roses in full bloom. I picked one to put on my altar. LAter I found a white rose and brought them to the altar of Jesus Christ. I offered them to him, and was told, that they were Bahtiar and myselfHe is a being of the pink ray of unconditional love.

Today in the morning I went to pray to the Chapel again. It is hard to find time alone there now, so I am doing my prayers in other places too. After the praying someone came to me asking about them.

I do decrees of the Summit Lighthouse, which is a part of a larger organization called Church Universal and Triumphant. They are a theosophically based teaching based on the Ascended Masters Teachings for the Age of Aquarius. One of the central figures of the movement is Ascended Master Saint Germain, who delivered to the world this time the gift of Violet transmuting flame for the clearing of our past karma and becoming free beings in God again.


Today I met my therapist again. She keeps being really tired and busy every time we meet, so I have started to ask her instead, if maybe I was the one to need to give her healing. She is the clown girl, so she was just laughing in the end at all this symbolism.

After a prayer session with my new friend, I was lead to the Heart tent, where they just had started to sing Hallelujah song. I felt so moved by that energy of praise, I felt God wanted to bring me there just as a wellcoming for me into the holiness of the Presence of the hierarchies of Light. I was guided to go to the center and then to go just in the center of even the smallest circle of dancers. So I did, but the woman teaching the heart dance took it in a wrong way, and became really defensive and pushed me out. So I left. I was told later, that it was a test, that she failed by nit recognizing what was really happening there.

So I went to do my translation work again. I have a book to translate by Mirza Ghulam Ahmad of Qadian, who is believed to to the Promised Messiah and Mahdi of both Christianity and Islam, and who lived 100 years ago in Northern India. He started the Ahmadiyyat movement of Islam, which up to this day remains one of the most persecuted religious groups of the world. In Pakistan, for example, you cannot get even a passport if you say you are an Ahmadi. The Ahmadis are usually very educated and aware muslims as opposed to the unlettered masses, who having no ability or real knowledge of their religion ar their religious book, and thus follow their leaders blindly into terrorism and war against any apparent opponent of their religious leaders selfish and violent ends. The Quran actually means Song, and was dictated to Prophet Muhammed during 21 years by Archangel Gabriel.

It was one of the most beautifull experiences to actually read the Quran from a point of view of Unity or Oneness of God. It just makes so much sence, even to this day people are following their personal religions, not comprehending their paths ultimate Oneness in the end.

One of the questions I wasnt to ask people is, who do you work for? Which kind of things are you supporting in this world by your work? If you can make sure it is a pure work for God and of true service to the Light, congratulations, you are on the right track! But if not, look deeper into what forces you are really serving and do you really want to be a part of that?

One of the funny things in Ängsbacka is also the system of Coaching. I feel that these so-called coaches have no idea of the type of things we really need and should transform ourselves into here. We just keep repeating our old patterns and therapymethods until numbness. When we come across something new, that doeasnt fit in our models, we ignore or discard it as insignificant.

SOmeone just told me to let go and get glimpses of stillness of the mind by just letting go. Ok, but what about the work we still have to do to clear our karma collectively? I believe there has to also be an active element in all of that.

Like before I used to go around asking the coaches stupid questions like, who actually is the spiritual leader of Ängsbacka? Or how should I go about the frustration and anger of the poor management of the so called leaders? I was adviced to channel my anger into doing the dynamic meditation, but after a while that too didnt feel right any more. Pravasi was supposed to do one hour of prayer every day, but so far she hasnt done any. Thats what you get for these great exchanges... Get pulled into the shit but no one gets pulled into the Light instead. So whats the point? Better stick to my prayer work from now on.

I found a piece of blank paper and 50 new pens on Malas desk. I believe God wants me to start writing. I was following my guidance which led me to sit next to Mattis, Ela song singer and Christ book of Blake. So I was in good company. Also white butterfly girl flew to join us there, to bless us with her soft presence.

Im starting to get the vision of a network of Golden Age movements and groups.
I also went and found my missing clothes and finally - I found also my Crown, which had went missing on the way here. I always get crowns after finishing a karmic clearing cycle somewhere. This crown was found in the attic of the Annex, which looked like it could also be turned into a meditation and workshop space. Hallelujah!

Yesterday evening I was celebrating in Kevins Chanting workshops and whirling. I felt so overflowing. Blessings coming my way like rain...

In the late night we did another workshop. I got the idea of singing the 99 names of God together with Kevin later, and he agreed to do it later. I was really happy.

In the evening I was on the computer and looking at photos of the guy I have a crush on. I miss him but dont want to attach myself to him. Well, my wish was originally, that he would leave during the No Mind, so I can better concentrate on my process here, and that too manifested. Now Im wondering, whether my feelings for him were more his feelings I was feeling as my own... But lets see right or wrong, good or bad, poc and pod and .... and beyonds.

Its hard to accept things when they happen and you were planning quite the opposite. Well, God sent new people to after he left to fill the void, but yes, I feel I miss him still.

This morning I did the laundry as usual, but then felt I had to urgently go and clean the Chapel. My was supposed to hold a workshop there on Excuberant Living. So I saw her sitting, and talking to some people in the Yellow house, but they told me to go away. So I didn´t get a chance to tell her, that I cleaned the Chapel for her workshop, but she never turned up! Another woman held in on BARS, and it was just GREAT.... I really felt the judgment leaving my system when she did the clearing on that. Im really intrigued...

I really felt it was meant to be like that. How can things get even better? That workshop on Excuberant living was actually better, than maybe My would have had to offer. I had a chance to go through my stuff there and really get more clarity.

She spoke about our life being like a blank sheet every moment. I felt that had been coming to me already since yesterday. The blank paper day of rebirth. Starting my life all over again from scratch. As if I could do whatever I wanted finally...
Osho once said, that even thoe people are always free to change their lives, they get so attached to their past, they just cant do it. But Ive done consciouss work for that since 3 years now...

Someone came to me saying that a person Ive been intrigued by will also come to Finland in the future, so I could meet him there and open possibilities for him.

Another woman thanked me for clearing the Yellow house from rubbish, she said she really feels the difference. The cellar used to be full of piles of junk, but now it is becoming cleared. On all Levels!!!!

Well, I guess someone had another plan for Ängsbacka, as the Light was getting too bright... So we had a chance of plans, so to speak. Yesterday Lilian, the head of the security team came to me saying, that she wanted to talk with me. SO I did. She started to explain, how terribli tired I was and how concerned she was for me. She said my place was NOT in Ängsbacka, and thet she thought, that it would be better for me to go somewhere where there is peace and quiet. As this was all new to me, I was kind od confused, but listened to her anyways, trying to figure out why she felt that way. In the end she said, thaat it was not only herself, but all her security team had agreed on this point, of me being in some situation, which wasnt good and that she wanted to talk to me again the next morning. I just realized, that it was somthing they had come up with, not talking to me personally, but just doing some observations, which ahd raised questions.

LAter the nurse called me. She told me blankly, that I was in the need of acute psychiatric help and that we had to leave to KArlstads psychiatric hospital immediately. I felt, that it was like an attack on me of the dark forces, trying to just get me out from Ängsbacka. Well, even thoe I tald both Lilian and the nurse, that it was not my own experience, and that usually people come to ask for help, if they feel they need it, and that I was not myself feelingg all that tired, as opposed to many organizers and people around under a lot of stress.

I had actually beeb very centered, and taking part only in a few programs, such as The Satsang first day, Kevins Chanting workshop the next and The BARS workshop and Osho´s Aum meditation on the thrird day. And all that aside from taking care of the laundry and cleaning the Chapel etc.

The nurse refused to tell me what exactly is was, that made her so worried, but she just looked me deeply in the eyes, with that "we will take good care of you, in OUR OWN WAY" look and asked me to pack my stuff and leave out the back door, so that I had no chance even to say goodbye to anyone or to think of my stuff in laundryroom etc. So Kivan introduced himself as the driver and off we went towards Karlstad. Even then I tried to ask, what was this all about, but she again refused to talk to me. So I just prayed while driving. I had that feeling, that I had to accept everything, even this, coma what may, as a test of my trust in God. The thought came to me from BARS How can it become any better than this?

When we arrived at the hospital, we entered a locked space and my stuff was taken to the locker in another room. I waaited in the hall with some other patients and kept on doing my prayers and feeling the dark energy of the place. Psychiatric wards are energetically most heavy places, as many mental disordersa re actually caused by bad spirits taking over the person at times. That is why they hear things from the astral level and spirits talking to them.

When I was in Kurdistan in Iraq I met this increadible man named mala Ali, Mala is the local word for Imam, or Islamic Priest. He is a miracle healer, and in the internet you can see shivayquran.com there are utube clips of his work there, describing healing of the sick and even really crazy people becoming healed. There was this one woman for example, who came in shouting, hitting and even tryiong to steal Mala Alis watch! As a religious man he ended up taking the watch from his hand and giving it to her! Anyway, after reciting a few Quranic verses, this woman, lying on the ground, said, I feel it leaving through my leg there it goes! And after that the woman was completely transformed. She placed the scarve on her head and repeated the prayers after the Imam. People were in tears. So this is the power of God, not of religious institutions or systems, but of the essence, the Light, that we become in contact with, when we cleanse ourselves to become the vessel of Gods Light and energy.

I myself had actually big trouble with my health when I first time arrived in Iraq and we went to see Mala Ali, and I did become completely healed. But I also notice, that coming to Europe is something, that makes my again worse, but thi8s time it has been better actually. But what I want to émphasize here, is not to be restricted to this or that religious or spiritual approach, but to really embrace it all as the different forms of the same Light, Love and Truth, manifesting as a caleidoscope of colour of all shades of beauty.

The doctor finally came to see me with another nurse. He turned out to be a kurdish man from Iraq! So I greeted him with the Muslim Assalam Aleikum, and he smiled. We had a secret connection now and I knew, God had sent him to me to help me. The next thing the nurse first explained about Ängsbacka as a spiritual self development course center, and about the festival and the system of volunteers. Then she went on to tell them, why she was concerned for me.

1. Why was I carrying heavy bags full of clothes to the fireplace the other day?
2. Why did I have 9 month old twins in Iraq and not with me?
3. Why was I seen all aound the place with speedind up speed during the 3 last days?

Well, I had obviously no problem in answering these questions and the doctor and the nurse listenend attentively. First, I was bringing the lost and founf to the fire to be burned as we hhad agreed with Mala.
2. My twins were in Iraq because the family loves then more than anything and want to take care of them. At that point the doctor himself said, that his uncle and grandmother had raised him up, and that in his culture this was completely normal practise, as there were many children in the families.
3. I was working in the laundry and had things to do all around the place...

After this the doctor had a short consultation with his supervising doctor, asn when he came back, he asked me two other questions: Did I have prychiatric treatment or problems in the past - no.
Had I been trying to be violent on myself? No Did I hear sounds in my head - no.
So they let me go, and said, that they couldnt help me. So they left me in Karlstads busstation, and I was planning to take the night bus to Stockholm but it turned out to be full.

Well, plans changed again, as I finally didint meet Subash after all, and ended up staying with some kurdish people in their flat in Filipstad. I was waiting for Subash for 3 hours in the gasoline station, but when I called him, he said he is tired and that he cannot help me. So I was left with nothing and went to ask for help from the Kurdish people I had met in the restaurant I had dinner in. They agreed to give a place to sleep for one night.

So next day I decided to come and get my forgotten things from Ängsbacka and try to meet some friends. I have not been in any contact with anyone since I left Ängsbacka. So I know people are worried, if they have not been told. So at this point I have something like 3000kr and no way of paying for my ticket to Stockholm, never mind Finland with these financial resources. But God´s resources are infinite, so lets see. Im still asking, how can this become even better...

At the moment I am in Molkom library and wondering where can I spend my next night... God help me...

Im back in Finland. They gave me money to travel and said, that even thoe there was nothing essentially wrong with me, they wanted me to leave and never again come back to Ängsbacka. So Even thoe I am a member myself, I got kicked out for some reasons, which obviously were not psychiatric. But the question remains, what exactly WERE the real reasons for this? My friend Jessica said, that in the coordinator meetings someone had critizised my active religious attitude. That I feel is more close to reality, that some people felt treathened by my presence and work Ängsbacka.

The nurse told me, that some people had visited Ängsbacka from the times of the nursing home, and they were showing her around the place, telling what it used to look like in the olden days.

The train, which I was on, was really late from schedule. Symbolic? I read a blog of Matti Kuusela, which said, that Christ so many times was missed by humanity, because people are simply not ready to receive Him. I went to talk with Nova, who agreed to have the people who I was working with interviewed about my possible "threat to general safety". Then we went to the nurses room. I was waiting there for a long time, talking with the security guy, and even having a moment of sharing energetically Christs presence. I told him, that maybe Ängsbacka is not my place, as it is far too chaotic and confused energetically, lacking even the will to change and find direction. Then the nurse came and told me, that I have to go now. She wanted to make sure I went on that train, and was prepared to pay my ticket even. So I accepted the offer.

Earlier that day I had played the grand piano in the Mission Church of Molkom. It was so bautifull! I was alone there playing for God, and tears just flowed out of my eyes, because I cared for the people there, but couldnt do more. I felt, that let God take care of Molkom. God help us, I said as I left the place for the two girls, who had heard my playing and said Im wellcome to play any time again, as it was so beautifull... Ängsbackas piano, however was seriously out of tune.

I also met Patric, and talked with him about my situation. he said, that he wanted to help me, but when i went to Ängsbacka, having got wet in the rain at the beach, saying, that there was no reason why they couldnt let me come back there, at least psychiatric, Nova refused to take responsibility and let the nurse use her position again against me. It was her own personal decision and also karma to deny my right to be there. Pyret had also taken my messages and actively tried to stop me from communicating with people! As if I was some kind of threat to her personally?

Actually when I returned from Finland, and her not knowing I was back, I got her by surprise in the kitchen room of the Yellow House, and she literally screamed of terror, as she saw me. Why Pyret, or mash potatoes, as I started to call her mashy state of affairs...

There was one funny incident, asI was praying in the Molkom lakes beach, just before going back to Ängsbacka, a truck drove by, and the sign said Godsservice. I immediatelyremembered Hari´s talk about the motor being started... And now it was going strong...

A girl had come to me to talk at the school, and asked me what I was reading The 72 Divine names of the Most High. A book written by Dr James Hurtak, the author of Keys of Enoch,a total synthesis of science and religion, representing the new paradigm of holistic spirituality. She also asked me about the neclace I was wearing, and I told her, that it was arabic, and said Fatima, the name of the daughter of Mohammed. She introduced herself as Fatima, which name was given to her by Isa. I asked her, whether she knew, who Isa was, and she said yes, Jesus Christ in the Islamic tradition. We talked about my situation and she helped me to find a place to stay overnight. I was also able to meet some of my friends there, and exchange contacts. That made me feel much better, as I wanted to make sure, that they could keep in touch if they wanted with me. So now Im in the process of sending studymaterial to some of them...

Here is a poem of Mirza Ghulam Ahmad of Qadian, an Islamic teacher, believed to be the Promised Messiah or the Imam Mahdi.

Lo! How manifest is the Light of God,
Who is the ultimate Source of all light;
The whole universe is turning into a reflecting mirror
for the eyes to perceive Him.

Last night while watching the moon,
I became so agitated.
In the beauty of the moon
were the traces of my Beloved.

Under the influence of consummate beauty
My heart is in a state of turmoil
Mention not to me the comeliness
of the Turk or the tartar.

Oh my Beloved!
How wonderful is Thy
creative power manifested everywhere;
Whichever way I look I find
Every road leading to Thy Presence.

In the fountain of the sun
The tides of thy power are witnessed
Every star is twinkling
with thy Glory.

With thy own hand Thou hast
Sprinkled salt over smarting hearts;
Which result into
Agonized cries of the pining lovers.

No one can comprehend
The ultimate design of thy Creation;
Who can disentangle
The web of this baffling riddle?

It is thy charm, which is the essence of beauty
Every flower that blossoms forth
Borrows its colour
From the splendor of thy attributes.

The mellow intoxicating eyes of all
Who are endowed with beauty
Remind one of Thee every moment.
To thy direction is turned
The pointing finger of every curly lock.

With many mysterious qualities
Thou hast endowed every particle;
Who can read through the voluminous
accounts of these mysteries?

(Mirza Ghulam Ahmad: Surma Chrism Arya: Roohani Khazain vol. 2 p.4 from the poem Hymn to God)